Okay, I generally try to be positive… especially since having Harlow. Lately, though, it has been hard.
I don’t know if it is the weather dragging me down (winter has never been my happy place) or if it is my impending birthday making me ANOTHER year older (which I’m grateful for, honestly, but I just wish there haven’t already been so many years ticked off!), or if it is this week… let me tell you how I’m feeling. I know you are all on the edge of your seats…
First, this week so far:
Monday: My car got hit in the parking lot. LUCKILY the scratch is so faint that I have to look for it, knowing where it is, and once summer comes, hopefully I can get it buffed out.
Tuesday: I fell in that same parking lot while walking in to work. (Maybe it is the parking lot that has put me in this mood?)
On to other things:
I feel like I haven’t seen the sun in a lifetime, and I miss it dearly, and my skin looks sickly. I know tanning is bad for you, but I do NOT have the gorgeous porcelain skin of so many other pale people. I’m just… see-through. Plus, the bags under my eyes could hold my entire wardrobe.
I miss feeling warm. I’m seriously NEVER warm.
The 5k that I wanted to do for my friend does not look like it is going to happen. I just don’t have the time or resources to make it happen. Which I feel horrible about.
I have been very kind to myself, mentally and body-wise, since having Harlow. I honestly have. But I still don’t have the time to work out and it really shows. Honestly, I still am grateful for my body and really don’t expect it to look like it did before having her, but at the same time, I’m really not happy with it right now.
The weather. As mentioned before, the weather is killing me. I feel like the cold and gloom are draining me. Everything is so much harder in the winter. Even letting Abbey out is a huge task. It takes around 5 minutes to get her dressed to go outside (and I’m not just a crazy-dog lady… her vet justified my dressing her because she is essentially fur-less).
Ya’ll, I’m going to be 36 next week. While part of me really loves the idea of that age, and growing a year older every year, truly… part of me is like… damn, that sounds so close to 40… didn’t I just graduate from college? Wait… that was …15 years ago. I feel like I should have my shit together by now. I have thought that pretty much since I was about to turn 25. Every year, I’m surprised that I don’t suddenly have it all together or something. Like I expect to wake up on my birthday and be Martha Stewart (well, a non-criminal, less creepy version…).
So I’m sure this is just a bad week, and I’ll be feeling better soon… especially in a month or two when the weather starts to warm up!
In the meantime, I want to focus on things I’m looking forward to!
- My birthday! Even if I’m feeling iffy about it currently, I always LOVE my birthday! This year, I’m planning on taking the day off work to go do “me” stuff. Maybe get a pedicure. Maybe go shop a bit. Maybe watch a movie I want… the day will be MINE!
- Harlow starts toddler gymnastics next Saturday! I’m SO excited, ya’ll!
- Chris’s birthday follows mine, and that is always fun, too! I try to do something St. Patrick’s Day themed every year.
- Harlow’s birthday is next! We’re throwing a party again this year (which I really need to get planned…). I am completely gobsmacked that my baby is going to be 2 years old one month from today. How, may I ask, is that possible???
- Lis’s wedding in July. (Which is sadly on the same day as my cousin’s wedding, but I’ll see if I can figure out how to swing both somehow…)
- Camping in August! Harlow and I, and hopefully Chris, will be joining my family up in Pentwater for Homecoming! I used to camp there every year in middle and high school, and even into college and beyond, but haven’t in a looong time. I’m very excited to share it with Harlow!
I really should write down all the things I’m looking forward to so it is visible to me at all times, since writing that list has made me feel so much better already!
If you made it this far, thanks for indulging me. If I lost you somewhere around paragraph two, I completely understand. I’ll be back soon with more upbeat stuff.
I hope you are having a great week!
What is something that you are looking forward to?